Family: Friend or Foe by Gary Hopkins
Jan, 2008
You've heard it all before, "Blood is thicker than water"… "Don’t go against the family"… "Family first"… etc, etc. All of these sayings refer to an idea of love and loyalty that we are encouraged to have in hopes that it will make the family foundation and in turn, society as a whole, stronger. I believe this to be a wonderful idea, but does it really work to our advantage in the world that we live in today?
Where did this idea come from? And whoever implemented this concept probably didn’t foresee the issues that we encounter on a daily basis today. Loving your family is a very noble idea and should go without saying. However, does it apply if you are married to a psychopath? Or have a sibling that is mentally unstable and aggressive? Or a family member that is abusive? I don’t believe so.
Where was the point in time when "Blood" gave anyone with a family a free pass to be a jerk? Or even worse, abusive? I’m not certain when that actually occurred, but I think it may be time to modify our perceptions of what is acceptable behavior, especially when it comes to the family unit.
Have you heard the saying, "we fight like brothers"? Or know of families that treat strangers better than the people that they are related to? I know quite a few. I believe it to be a common thread in our society. I also believe this unconditional love for family to be an outdated idea that needs to be changed with something that is positive and pure.
I am uncertain of why these ideas still exist so strongly today. I’m sure it has something to do with the idea of people being scared of change. Or that people worry about what others might think of them if they disassociate themselves from their family (even when the family is abusive). Maybe it’s just an idea of what "could be" rather than what "actually is" that compels us to be over tolerant of bad and negative behavior.
In any case, we have a lot of perpetual abuse going on as a result of this idea. If this were not true, the Jerry Springer show would not exist. Think about it.
So, what do we do? Dialogue is good start. Try talking to your family members when their behavior becomes unacceptable or goes overboard. If that doesn’t work, counseling would be the next logical step. Or even trying to find someone that you are both comfortable with to mediate the situation.
If you are in a severe situation then distance may be the answer. Put yourself in another place. Remove yourself from the situation. You will be surprised at how much easier family members can become when you are not around as much.
Of course if you are in an abusive situation then you will need to seek out a professional, whether it is a psychiatrist, law enforcement, a crisis center or a combination of many sources. Your health and well being are first and foremost. This type of abuse is not the environment for you to be forgiving in any respect. Get to a safe place in life first. Then work on the smaller issues.
The point of this is to change our views on what is acceptable. I think we can all agree that the current state of affairs is not ideal. I’m certain that all of us have been in situations or know of someone that has these types of issues.
Just know that staying in a bad situation because "Its Family" is a social stigma. Even though some religions preach it as fact, I do not believe that we are meant to suffer as a result of who we were born to. And if the people you were born to do not encourage your happiness, then they probably do not like their own lives and are unhappy with themselves. Misery loves company… no? Having said that, it’s not your place to make anyone but yourself happy first. It’s not selfish, but rather the most generous thing you can do for others. Once you’ve evolved into happiness, you radiate it. That benefits others around you in a much more profound way than just bending to everyone else’s will.
If you are the negative person in your family and are reading this, then please take some time to figure out why you behave the way that you do. Even if you need to separate yourself from the group to figure out your own path. It the most important gift you can give not only to yourself, but also to everyone around you.
Jan, 2008
You've heard it all before, "Blood is thicker than water"… "Don’t go against the family"… "Family first"… etc, etc. All of these sayings refer to an idea of love and loyalty that we are encouraged to have in hopes that it will make the family foundation and in turn, society as a whole, stronger. I believe this to be a wonderful idea, but does it really work to our advantage in the world that we live in today?
Where did this idea come from? And whoever implemented this concept probably didn’t foresee the issues that we encounter on a daily basis today. Loving your family is a very noble idea and should go without saying. However, does it apply if you are married to a psychopath? Or have a sibling that is mentally unstable and aggressive? Or a family member that is abusive? I don’t believe so.
Where was the point in time when "Blood" gave anyone with a family a free pass to be a jerk? Or even worse, abusive? I’m not certain when that actually occurred, but I think it may be time to modify our perceptions of what is acceptable behavior, especially when it comes to the family unit.
Have you heard the saying, "we fight like brothers"? Or know of families that treat strangers better than the people that they are related to? I know quite a few. I believe it to be a common thread in our society. I also believe this unconditional love for family to be an outdated idea that needs to be changed with something that is positive and pure.
I am uncertain of why these ideas still exist so strongly today. I’m sure it has something to do with the idea of people being scared of change. Or that people worry about what others might think of them if they disassociate themselves from their family (even when the family is abusive). Maybe it’s just an idea of what "could be" rather than what "actually is" that compels us to be over tolerant of bad and negative behavior.
In any case, we have a lot of perpetual abuse going on as a result of this idea. If this were not true, the Jerry Springer show would not exist. Think about it.
So, what do we do? Dialogue is good start. Try talking to your family members when their behavior becomes unacceptable or goes overboard. If that doesn’t work, counseling would be the next logical step. Or even trying to find someone that you are both comfortable with to mediate the situation.
If you are in a severe situation then distance may be the answer. Put yourself in another place. Remove yourself from the situation. You will be surprised at how much easier family members can become when you are not around as much.
Of course if you are in an abusive situation then you will need to seek out a professional, whether it is a psychiatrist, law enforcement, a crisis center or a combination of many sources. Your health and well being are first and foremost. This type of abuse is not the environment for you to be forgiving in any respect. Get to a safe place in life first. Then work on the smaller issues.
The point of this is to change our views on what is acceptable. I think we can all agree that the current state of affairs is not ideal. I’m certain that all of us have been in situations or know of someone that has these types of issues.
Just know that staying in a bad situation because "Its Family" is a social stigma. Even though some religions preach it as fact, I do not believe that we are meant to suffer as a result of who we were born to. And if the people you were born to do not encourage your happiness, then they probably do not like their own lives and are unhappy with themselves. Misery loves company… no? Having said that, it’s not your place to make anyone but yourself happy first. It’s not selfish, but rather the most generous thing you can do for others. Once you’ve evolved into happiness, you radiate it. That benefits others around you in a much more profound way than just bending to everyone else’s will.
If you are the negative person in your family and are reading this, then please take some time to figure out why you behave the way that you do. Even if you need to separate yourself from the group to figure out your own path. It the most important gift you can give not only to yourself, but also to everyone around you.
